I just returned from the most amazing Spring Break. The sights, people, and food were all astounding on every level. The thing is, though, in my state of anticipation and excitement, I put aside all other thoughts from my mind. I put aside thoughts of one of my best friends moving, thoughts of trouble at work, thoughts of lingering guests at home… I was lost in each moment, captivated by every sight and sound. I never realized how much my world would change in just ten days.
While I was away, I got the news that the group I have called home for the past 3 years is essentially disbanding (even though the powers that be say it is “revamping.”) I could not (and still cannot) fathom this. I have been part of a young adults ministry at my church that meets weekly, which I attend because we are all part of the same walk of life. I also attend the weekend service because I really do love my church. So, when I read the incoming text messages, my mind could not comprehend what was happening. It became even more surreal when I walked into our meeting tonight and the pastor reiterated that next week will be our last gathering.
I have a million thoughts and questions and protests shouting in my head, and they each demand a reason that makes sense, but the reasons I am given do not make sense to me. So, I pray. I pray for understanding and fresh eyes and direction if God is asking me to move.
As I was driving home tonight, I had another conversation with God, and I realized that one some level, I could easily relate to Jesus’ disciples after His ascension. They had done life with Jesus for about three years. They had walked with him and learned from him and had seen the incredible things he had done. They had been mesmerized by his very nature and when he told them he had to return to his Father, they could not fathom why, and they certainly could not grasp just what they would do next…
When you have invested so much time, energy, and passion in something, for three years how do you just get over it and move on in three weeks? I have to remember what those disciples did. At first, they were scared and they did not understand. But God (my favorite two words aside from mocha latte!) did not neglect His people! He empowered them and strengthened them for the days that were ahead. He rose up thousands more. He continued to move, and He is continuing to move even in this confusion.
I love how God knows each of us so intricately, despite our wavering faith. He sees us and calls us by name and sings songs of hope over us. He brought me back to this picture. On top of Mt. Rigi in the Swiss Alps, I saw this cross overlooking the mountains around us. I am so drawn to it because it reminds me that there is no escaping God’s goodness and that sometimes His plans are painful in the moment, but they are eternally for good. Just as a seed goes through enormous pressure before growing into a steady source of shade; just as a caterpillar goes through a period of darkness before emerging as a delicate butterfly; just as Christ bore the weight of sin alone- we, too, will become all God has intended us to be if we just keep our faith. God us calling us back to a place of serenity, a place where we rely on him so greatly that we realize he is our source and will always provide for his children.